TRUST: CAN YOU TRUST AND IF SO WHO?

Trust for me is one of the most fascinating human concepts. But before we proceed, it's important to agree on a definition of trust so that we can be on the same wavelength for our discussion together. Here's a common definition for you: To rely upon or place confidence in someone or something. Just to be clear - we created all our concepts including the idea of trust - and just like all concepts, there is no ultimate truth to them. Yet we constantly allow ourselves to be hurt, betrayed and upset because of our trust in concepts. Yes, you read that correctly, I am saying that no one can betray us - we can only feel betrayed and angry because of the agreements we place our trust in. So let's talk a little more about what that means.

Most of us believe that we have been betrayed by someone outside of us - in other words someone has done something to hurt us, been dishonest or broken a promise made: some trust in some concept was broken. Indeed someone may have taken an action that took only their needs into consideration, they may have not followed through on a promise made, and they may have not told you the truth. But their actions have nothing to do with you and have everything to do with them. That's why no one can do anything TO you. They can take actions that involve you that you may not like - according to your point of view. But you are not a victim, no way, no how.

Here is the bottom line: People can only be trusted to do what either their belief system or their heart compels them to do. Every human either is operating from their heart-integrity or their fear-based ego-mind in any moment. Each of us operates this way until we have absolute awareness of what's driving us every moment of our life. No one is exempt from this fact - all of us can be kind and wonderful in one moment and hurtful in the next. Humanity is on a spiritual path so we can raise our consciousness and be fully responsible for which operating system we choose to be working from. That's why we need to be forgiven for those moments when we fall asleep and put our lives on auto-pilot, allowing a limited and fearful program to take control of our lives.

If my partner for example, is having a relationship outside our marriage, it's because he believes something that's compelling him to take that action. His behavior has nothing to do with me at all. Yes, it has an impact on my life, but I understand that only my concept of marriage has been betrayed - not me, as I am not a victim. My concept of marriage may say perhaps, that my partner should be monogamous until death. We all have the best intentions when we make a promise - but then our internal dialogue has us taking actions that make us break those promises. So then, if my partner feels neglected or angry at me for some reason - he may justify their choice to have an affair so they feel better about themselves. That is fear speaking, not integrity. These actions tell me about the quality of my partner's mental state not about their heart. That is why we can trust 100% that they will do whatever their mind commands if that is where they're operating from. 
We all like to think of ourselves as enlightened, kind beings but, until we work through all the fear-based beliefs of our ego-minds, it is unlikely that we'll go through life without someone feeling betrayed by us or vice versa.  That's because we're constantly expecting others to measure up to the ideals and concepts that we have in our minds - and this is not possible.  We can only trust that people will do what they believe - not what we believe.  Now that we clearly understand how we betray ourselves with concepts - perhaps we'll have more compassion for those we love when they do the same.  Ultimately, we cannot place our confidence and trust in ideas and concepts, only in truth and love.
By Sheri Rosenthal

Celebrating the Spring Equinox and all the Opportunities that brings

We are celebrating the Spring Equinox once again. What a wonderful time of the year as nature bursts with new life, shedding the old and decayed that covered it through the winter months. Buds are opening and beautiful flowers spring forth with their fragrant beauty, dotting the landscape with spectacular color. Some trees display clusters of pinks and whites while others share new foliage as splashes of green come into our view. Taking a deep breath of spring air refreshes the soul, but for some it creates uncomfortable experiences like sneezing, watery eyes, and stuffy noses.
Such it is in our life. We are continually given the opportunity to spring forth with new life, but we first must shed the old and decayed that are covering our forward movement. Sometimes the steps we take can be uncomfortable and create experiences that are not pleasant, but that is all part of the journey. In the end, however, with perseverance and willingness through the cycles in our life, we can burst forth with new vitality and life, and heal.
From the time we take our first breath we are being conditioned and programmed with certain beliefs and patterns from the people in our life. We accept them as truth because that’s all we know. As we grow into adulthood, we continue to accumulate more beliefs from those around us, and most of these are formed from negativity. Those beliefs belong to other individuals and have been born from the fears of this world, yet we have adopted them as truth for us with little if any thought. Those negative patterns and beliefs create imbalance within us because they are fear-based and do not resonate with our Divine essence of love. Those beliefs are products of the ego mind and its thought-forms, and listening to and following the ways of the ego are never truth, they are illusion.
When we experience disorders and disease in our physical form, there is always a core in our mental and emotional universe. This is how it works. First there is the thought that originates from the beliefs of someone else that we accept. This affects our mental body, which spills into the emotional body - our feelings (heart). It is a shadowing from the illusion of someone else but we accept it because we do not recognize it as their illusional truth, and it becomes our truth. This fear-based, negative belief alienates us from our spiritual body because it doesn’t resonate with our true essence, which is unconditional love. Now there is no escape and the tracks begin showing up in our physical body as anxiety, worry, anger, blame, disenchantment, stress, procrastination, restlessness, unhappiness and ultimately disorders and disease.
“But,” you say, “isn’t that all part of living on this earth?” It certainly doesn’t have to be. You were born with your truth inside, and the power of choice within you, so it’s really all up to you. When things drop onto our path that feel like pain or a challenge, they are actually a lesson to help us grow into someone stronger with greater awareness. However, the lesson is often discarded and without the release of that pain it will continue to gain momentum inside of us until the day it erupts with a loud explosion as angry behavior, illness or even violence.
So how does a person remove the negative, unhealthy patterns and beliefs so they can heal their life? If a person is honest, they will tell you they long for a life of joy, happiness, peace, fulfillment, and vibrant health.
Healing has many facets. Although the symptoms and reactions have appeared in the physical realm, there is always a core issue in the emotional realm, so that is where we must begin.
The first aspect of healing is to recognize there is a problem. Part of this is acceptance of your accountability to make the necessary changes. Addictive behavior of any kind requires the recognition and acceptance that there is a problem that needs to be healed. Once you’ve accepted the truth of where you are, the next step is possible.
The second step is deciding you are ready and willing to make changes; that you really want to heal. Many people say they want to make changes, but often they are just words and do not align with what they really feel. They resist change. Perhaps the words are uttered for the other people around them. Once you know you are ready and willing, you are ready to release the old programming so you can accept new thoughts, the third step. We refer to this as letting go, releasing your hold on whatever isn’t working in your life, the fear-based negativity. This step is comparable to the shedding of old decaying coverings that allow the trees and flowers to burst forth with new life each spring. As we shed the old patterns and beliefs, we allow the new to enter our hearts and minds. Willingness to move into new territory lets go of resistance.
Once the belief is released, then it’s time for new growth. New growth requires nurturing and the benefits of the elements, the fourth step. For new growth in the human life, forgiveness is one of the necessary elements. This forgiveness is for yourself and any blame or anger you have held in your account: old pain and hurt, feelings of retaliation, feeling like a victim, or low self-worth. After forgiving yourself, you are ready to forgive those in your life whom you feel have done something to you. Forgiveness frees you completely so you can open to all the new.
Another element needed for new growth is to release the need to be right. When you feel you need to defend yourself to preserve your dignity and worth, you are listening to the ego and fighting to feel better about yourself.
In the long run, since each person has their own truth, it makes no difference whether you feel you are “right” or not, because each person is right! When you don’t feel the need to be right, you are peaceful and free.
Once you’ve forgiven and released the need to be right, freedom prevails. The freedom to grow allows for new ideas and truths to be incorporated into your heart. What do you want for your life? Joy? Peace? Happiness? Fulfillment? Excitement? Vibrant Health? The fifth step is simply allowing the good into your life and knowing you deserve it. Allowing is something that doesn’t come easy for most of us. We want to make it happen and force something into being. Allowing doesn’t do anything, it simply waits for it all to unfold. Just as the plant or tree does nothing to grow except allow the sun, rain and soil nutrients to be absorbed into its roots, so is it for us. Once you’ve decided what you want in your life, the secret is to simply allow it to come to you, doing nothing.
Healing takes time and has many layers. Just about the time you think you’ve completed the healing process, something happens that tells you there are still things needing to be released. Like the onion, there are many layers, and as you peel away one layer, another emerges. However, do not be discouraged, for this is the continuous process as long as you live on this earth. But what happens is over time, as layers are peeled away, the healing time becomes shorter in duration and incidents become fewer and spread further apart. And you recognize what is happening and do not remain in the negative space for very long.
Healing your life requires many facets in order for you to shine. A diamond must be cleaned and the non-valuable parts chiseled or scraped away. Then it takes time to polish and buff the diamond so it can shine. Like the diamond, you require cleaning, chiseling, discarding, polishing and buffing so you can shine. So while it may not appear that this diamond is magnificent, after the process is complete it is indeed a masterpeice. The healing that takes place in your life has one purpose, and that is to make you shine with brilliant magnificence!

Rev Dr. Carolyn Porter

O how I have tried and tried and tried to walk this walk and talk this talk and it has taken years nay, decades to get it right and, like anyone getting drunk on anything - yes, I find myself getting quite drunk on anger :), I fall off the wagon now and again and by gum are those moments doozies but, to a large extent and without too much hippy dippiness, I find that this description of what it is and how to manage it resonated with me a while ago and, on another re-read today, resonated loud and very clear again.

*** Article:  Love, Anger and Forgiveness: How to Let Go and Be Emotionally Free Once and For All – By William G. DeFoore, Ph.D. ***

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Anger and forgiveness seem to be opposites, and in many ways they are. You may be surprised to learn, however, that they have a lot in common. If you make anger the "bad guy," you just won't get to the forgiving part. Anger has to be fully understood and released before you get to move on to the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be fully understood before you can let go of resentments and be emotionally whole and free.

It all starts with love. We are born with the need to love and be loved, and no one, even the best parents, can meet that need perfectly. Therefore, we all feel hurt as a natural part of life. And of course, there are those hurts that are inflicted by abuse, abandonment, and neglect, in some cases extreme.

From this pain, fear and anger naturally emerge. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you're hurt. Anger is an important place to visit; you just don't want to live there. Here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Forgiveness is for you, not for the forgiven. That is essential to understand.

Anger and forgiveness seem opposite, in the sense that anger involves an intense focus on the "wrongdoer," and forgiveness involves shifting focus off of that person and moving on with your life. Yet there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same.

* How Anger and Forgiveness Are The Same

Unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness both include:

-Judgment.

-The "one-up" position.

-Dishonoring to yourself.

When you are angry at someone and blaming them, you are definitely judging them and putting yourself in a "one-up" position. The way you are dishonoring yourself here is that you are failing to look at your own creative responsibility in the situation. This is the hazard of the "blame game." When you are into blaming others for your feelings, situation, or plight, you are making yourself a victim and denying your own power and responsibility.

Premature forgiveness is forgiving someone when you're not through being angry. You are still judging them, and therefore you're seeing yourself as "one-up." You are dishonoring yourself by pretending to forgive in your mind, when your heart and gut are still carrying anger and resentment.

Here are some important truths to remember when you're angry:

-The other person is responsible for his/her actions that triggered your anger. You are not responsible for their behavior.

-You are responsible for your emotional reaction and for your actions that result from your emotional reaction. They are not responsible for your emotional reactions or your behavior that results.

Here are some other ways that anger and forgiveness are the same. When anger is healthy, and forgiveness is authentic, both involve:

-Power.

-Release.

-Letting go.

-No more victim position.

-Operating in a container of love.

Both healthy anger and true forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of love and wisdom, and forgiveness can only be true when it is based on love for yourself and/or another person.

* Understanding Anger

Anger is the most misunderstood emotion. Most people just think it is bad. Here are some common misconceptions:

-Anger is a bad emotion and should always be controlled.

-It is possible to be without anger completely.

-It is wrong to be angry.

-To be angry means to be out of control.

-Anger is the same thing as aggression.

-When a person is angry, that means they are not safe to be around.

These misconceptions result from the lack of understanding of healthy anger. Healthy anger is:

-A feeling you have when you're threatened or opposed.

-A protective emotion.

-Powerful energy that can be used for positive outcomes.

-Fuel for effective action.

Have you ever taken action about something that made you angry? Think about MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They got mad, and took action in healthy, appropriate ways to resolve the problem leading to their pain and anger. Here's the bottom line on healthy anger:

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

* Understanding True Forgiveness

True forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here's the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:

-Forgiveness is not just a decision that you can make in your mind.

-Forgiveness requires an emotional and physical release to be complete.

-Your body is capable of holding onto anger long after your mind thinks it has forgiven.

-Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer--you don't have that kind of power.

-Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrongdoer accountable--everyone is accountable whether you forgive or not.

-Forgiving doesn't mean you have decided that what the wrongdoer did is okay.

-You don't have to wait for the wrongdoer to change for you to forgive.

-You won't be able to forgive until you have fully examined the depth and extent of your wounds.

-You won't be able to forgive until you have acknowledged the full depths of your anger.

-Forgiveness is for you.

-Forgiveness is good for your health.

-Forgiveness allows you to be more loving and joyful.

You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy--while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, "I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind, and body."

Your body will tell you if the forgiveness is complete.

* Keys to Emotional Health and Freedom

-Take responsibility for your actions and emotions.

-Do not accept blame for anything.

-Place responsibility for others' actions and emotions on them.

-Do not blame anybody for anything.

Here are some thoughts to consider about love:

-Love can be intoxicating, and therefore can lead to unhealthy decisions.

-The need to love and be loved is the most powerful force in human nature.

-Love is who you are in your spiritual essence.

-Conditional love is not really love--it is more about control.

-The only real love is unconditional love.

-You will always remember those people in your life who have loved you unconditionally.

-You are at your very best when you are experiencing unconditional love.

Life starts with love. Anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love. When we work through our anger, we can forgive. Forgiveness is a return to love.

The greatest of these is love.

About the Author:

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, speaker, and president of the Institute for Personal and Professional Development . He has 34 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos ,and purchase books, CDs, and downloads at http://www.defoore.com. Contact Dr. DeFoore at ippd4@aol.com

Don't Make This Big Mistake

 I have read a lot of Guy Finley and I have liked all that he has to say but this particular article really really really resonates with me.


Don't Make This Big Mistake

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** Article: Floating in Mindfulness: Dealing with Disappointment – By Maya Talisman Frost **
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Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.

The time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on. Okay, this can work. But a more mindful approach includes an interim phase between these two. It's a unique opportunity to "float."

When things don't go our way--whether we're talking about election results, a job interview, a proposal at work, or a relationship--we naturally feel disappointed. We had hoped for the best, even expected the best (hey, we know about human motivation techniques, after all) and this apparent failure hits us pretty hard.

So, the first step is to feel the emotion. Go ahead. Mad? Frustrated? Depressed? It's okay to allow yourself to feel it. You can commiserate with others or wallow alone--it's your choice.

Now, here comes the mindfulness part:

Take one giant step back. Step away from the swirl of thoughts and emotions and simply look at it in a sort of interested bystander way. It's as though you have a clipboard and you're taking note of your response.

1) Scan your body. How does disappointment feel physically? Is it affecting your digestion, your sleep, your movement?

Scan your body for pain and tightness. Notice how your forehead feels, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. Take a look at your face in a mirror. What does disappointment look like?

Continue to pass over your body mentally, noticing any pain, discomfort, tingling, or tightness. Be sure to check your own personal trouble spots, whether that's your lower back, your knees, or your belly.

We tend to develop habitual physical responses to strong emotions. Make sure you are familiar with yours. Paying attention during mindful moments like this is your best defense against disease. Our hot spots can teach us a great deal, but during times of stress, we tend to focus on our thoughts instead of our bodies. Don't miss this opportunity to learn more about yours.

2) Scan your mind. Watch your thoughts go by as though you are watching a parade. No need to jump on any float as it passes. You're not the rodeo queen on a prancing horse, or the festival princess waving to the crowd. You're a spectator. Watch.

3) Separate. Whenever we are disappointed, our past disappointments bubble to the surface. Things get stirred up, and our accompanying emotion often has more to do with the cumulative effect of our lifelong disappointments than this particular one. We tend to catastrophize and lump it all together into one big fat Disappointment Package.

Don't let that happen. Look at this one incident as totally separate from the others. Each float stands alone.

4) Float. I call this the "Float between Floats" approach. Now that you are watching this parade of floats without climbing aboard any of them, turn your attention to that brief moment between them. Sure, you know another one is coming. It's not quite in front of you yet. There is nothing you can do but wait. No sense spending your time or energy setting expectations that it will be spectacular. No point in worrying that it will be disastrous. Hold that space and float in it.

Settle into mindful watching--of your body, your mind, and the world around you. It is an opportunity to go beyond wound licking. Watch as your thoughts change from "Why?" to "What can I do next?" We often jump into action--retaliatory, self-protective or simply distracting--without gleaning our most important lessons from disappointment.

The ability to "Float between Floats" will provide clarity and comfort. Use this time to develop your awareness. It will help you recognize the power of mindfulness and the endless stream of floats that pass by.

All things considered, it's one heckuva parade.

About the Author:
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.mindmasseuse.com