O how I have tried and tried and tried to walk this walk and talk this talk and it has taken years nay, decades to get it right and, like anyone getting drunk on anything - yes, I find myself getting quite drunk on anger :), I fall off the wagon now and again and by gum are those moments doozies but, to a large extent and without too much hippy dippiness, I find that this description of what it is and how to manage it resonated with me a while ago and, on another re-read today, resonated loud and very clear again.

*** Article:  Love, Anger and Forgiveness: How to Let Go and Be Emotionally Free Once and For All – By William G. DeFoore, Ph.D. ***

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Anger and forgiveness seem to be opposites, and in many ways they are. You may be surprised to learn, however, that they have a lot in common. If you make anger the "bad guy," you just won't get to the forgiving part. Anger has to be fully understood and released before you get to move on to the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness has to be fully understood before you can let go of resentments and be emotionally whole and free.

It all starts with love. We are born with the need to love and be loved, and no one, even the best parents, can meet that need perfectly. Therefore, we all feel hurt as a natural part of life. And of course, there are those hurts that are inflicted by abuse, abandonment, and neglect, in some cases extreme.

From this pain, fear and anger naturally emerge. It makes perfect sense to be angry when you're hurt. Anger is an important place to visit; you just don't want to live there. Here is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and resentment so that you can go on with your life. Forgiveness is for you, not for the forgiven. That is essential to understand.

Anger and forgiveness seem opposite, in the sense that anger involves an intense focus on the "wrongdoer," and forgiveness involves shifting focus off of that person and moving on with your life. Yet there are some ways that anger and forgiveness are the same.

* How Anger and Forgiveness Are The Same

Unhealthy anger and premature forgiveness both include:

-Judgment.

-The "one-up" position.

-Dishonoring to yourself.

When you are angry at someone and blaming them, you are definitely judging them and putting yourself in a "one-up" position. The way you are dishonoring yourself here is that you are failing to look at your own creative responsibility in the situation. This is the hazard of the "blame game." When you are into blaming others for your feelings, situation, or plight, you are making yourself a victim and denying your own power and responsibility.

Premature forgiveness is forgiving someone when you're not through being angry. You are still judging them, and therefore you're seeing yourself as "one-up." You are dishonoring yourself by pretending to forgive in your mind, when your heart and gut are still carrying anger and resentment.

Here are some important truths to remember when you're angry:

-The other person is responsible for his/her actions that triggered your anger. You are not responsible for their behavior.

-You are responsible for your emotional reaction and for your actions that result from your emotional reaction. They are not responsible for your emotional reactions or your behavior that results.

Here are some other ways that anger and forgiveness are the same. When anger is healthy, and forgiveness is authentic, both involve:

-Power.

-Release.

-Letting go.

-No more victim position.

-Operating in a container of love.

Both healthy anger and true forgiveness involve the power of healthy release and letting go, which takes you out of the victim position. This can only occur in a container of love. Anger can only be healthy when accompanied by some degree of love and wisdom, and forgiveness can only be true when it is based on love for yourself and/or another person.

* Understanding Anger

Anger is the most misunderstood emotion. Most people just think it is bad. Here are some common misconceptions:

-Anger is a bad emotion and should always be controlled.

-It is possible to be without anger completely.

-It is wrong to be angry.

-To be angry means to be out of control.

-Anger is the same thing as aggression.

-When a person is angry, that means they are not safe to be around.

These misconceptions result from the lack of understanding of healthy anger. Healthy anger is:

-A feeling you have when you're threatened or opposed.

-A protective emotion.

-Powerful energy that can be used for positive outcomes.

-Fuel for effective action.

Have you ever taken action about something that made you angry? Think about MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. They got mad, and took action in healthy, appropriate ways to resolve the problem leading to their pain and anger. Here's the bottom line on healthy anger:

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

* Understanding True Forgiveness

True forgiveness is something that only your body can do. Surprised by that? Here's the deal. Anger and resentments are held in the body as well as the mind, and your mind can decide to forgive long before your body is ready. Literally, your body has a mind of its own. Here are some things to understand about forgiveness:

-Forgiveness is not just a decision that you can make in your mind.

-Forgiveness requires an emotional and physical release to be complete.

-Your body is capable of holding onto anger long after your mind thinks it has forgiven.

-Forgiveness does not absolve the wrongdoer--you don't have that kind of power.

-Withholding forgiveness does not hold the wrongdoer accountable--everyone is accountable whether you forgive or not.

-Forgiving doesn't mean you have decided that what the wrongdoer did is okay.

-You don't have to wait for the wrongdoer to change for you to forgive.

-You won't be able to forgive until you have fully examined the depth and extent of your wounds.

-You won't be able to forgive until you have acknowledged the full depths of your anger.

-Forgiveness is for you.

-Forgiveness is good for your health.

-Forgiveness allows you to be more loving and joyful.

You will know that you have forgiven when your body is relaxed and your breathing is deep and easy--while you visualize the wrongdoer and say, "I accept you for who you are, with all of your best and worst. I no longer need you to change. I forgive you for myself, so that I can be free. I forgive you so that I can let go of resentments and feel love and joy in my heart, mind, and body."

Your body will tell you if the forgiveness is complete.

* Keys to Emotional Health and Freedom

-Take responsibility for your actions and emotions.

-Do not accept blame for anything.

-Place responsibility for others' actions and emotions on them.

-Do not blame anybody for anything.

Here are some thoughts to consider about love:

-Love can be intoxicating, and therefore can lead to unhealthy decisions.

-The need to love and be loved is the most powerful force in human nature.

-Love is who you are in your spiritual essence.

-Conditional love is not really love--it is more about control.

-The only real love is unconditional love.

-You will always remember those people in your life who have loved you unconditionally.

-You are at your very best when you are experiencing unconditional love.

Life starts with love. Anger is an inevitable emotion, which can temporarily or permanently take us away from love. When we work through our anger, we can forgive. Forgiveness is a return to love.

The greatest of these is love.

About the Author:

William G. DeFoore is a counselor, executive coach, speaker, and president of the Institute for Personal and Professional Development . He has 34 years of experience in helping people achieve healthy, happy relationships. Get free information, watch videos ,and purchase books, CDs, and downloads at http://www.defoore.com. Contact Dr. DeFoore at ippd4@aol.com

Don't Make This Big Mistake

 I have read a lot of Guy Finley and I have liked all that he has to say but this particular article really really really resonates with me.


Don't Make This Big Mistake

Posted using ShareThis

** Article: Floating in Mindfulness: Dealing with Disappointment – By Maya Talisman Frost **
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Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.

The time-honored approach to disappointment generally involves a fair amount of wallowing followed by a concerted effort to move on. Okay, this can work. But a more mindful approach includes an interim phase between these two. It's a unique opportunity to "float."

When things don't go our way--whether we're talking about election results, a job interview, a proposal at work, or a relationship--we naturally feel disappointed. We had hoped for the best, even expected the best (hey, we know about human motivation techniques, after all) and this apparent failure hits us pretty hard.

So, the first step is to feel the emotion. Go ahead. Mad? Frustrated? Depressed? It's okay to allow yourself to feel it. You can commiserate with others or wallow alone--it's your choice.

Now, here comes the mindfulness part:

Take one giant step back. Step away from the swirl of thoughts and emotions and simply look at it in a sort of interested bystander way. It's as though you have a clipboard and you're taking note of your response.

1) Scan your body. How does disappointment feel physically? Is it affecting your digestion, your sleep, your movement?

Scan your body for pain and tightness. Notice how your forehead feels, your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders. Take a look at your face in a mirror. What does disappointment look like?

Continue to pass over your body mentally, noticing any pain, discomfort, tingling, or tightness. Be sure to check your own personal trouble spots, whether that's your lower back, your knees, or your belly.

We tend to develop habitual physical responses to strong emotions. Make sure you are familiar with yours. Paying attention during mindful moments like this is your best defense against disease. Our hot spots can teach us a great deal, but during times of stress, we tend to focus on our thoughts instead of our bodies. Don't miss this opportunity to learn more about yours.

2) Scan your mind. Watch your thoughts go by as though you are watching a parade. No need to jump on any float as it passes. You're not the rodeo queen on a prancing horse, or the festival princess waving to the crowd. You're a spectator. Watch.

3) Separate. Whenever we are disappointed, our past disappointments bubble to the surface. Things get stirred up, and our accompanying emotion often has more to do with the cumulative effect of our lifelong disappointments than this particular one. We tend to catastrophize and lump it all together into one big fat Disappointment Package.

Don't let that happen. Look at this one incident as totally separate from the others. Each float stands alone.

4) Float. I call this the "Float between Floats" approach. Now that you are watching this parade of floats without climbing aboard any of them, turn your attention to that brief moment between them. Sure, you know another one is coming. It's not quite in front of you yet. There is nothing you can do but wait. No sense spending your time or energy setting expectations that it will be spectacular. No point in worrying that it will be disastrous. Hold that space and float in it.

Settle into mindful watching--of your body, your mind, and the world around you. It is an opportunity to go beyond wound licking. Watch as your thoughts change from "Why?" to "What can I do next?" We often jump into action--retaliatory, self-protective or simply distracting--without gleaning our most important lessons from disappointment.

The ability to "Float between Floats" will provide clarity and comfort. Use this time to develop your awareness. It will help you recognize the power of mindfulness and the endless stream of floats that pass by.

All things considered, it's one heckuva parade.

About the Author:
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse offering specialized mindfulness training in Portland, Oregon. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 100 countries. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.mindmasseuse.com

8 Ways Doing Less Can Transform Your Work & Life

 For anyone who has read my blog on a regular basis - and that doesn't even include me, you'll note that I abandoned it for about 5 years.  I don't remember why I just remember remembering that it even existed in the shower the other day (I have incredibly "brilliant" moments in the shower) and then having to take a moment the next day to try and remember what I had called it.  THAT in and of itself was fun but it has been even more entertaining seeing all the drafts and links in drafts I had saved being things I wanted to write about.  Many of the blogs I wanted to link to no longer exist and many of the ideas that must have excited me 5 years ago now just make me frown in bemusement - :)

This link not only still works but also still resonates which means that it has been 5 years and counting and I am still working on simplifying my life and un-brainwashing myself - the force of social conditioning is clearly strong in this one :)

For all our edification then:

8 Ways Doing Less Can Transform Your Work & Life

THE REASONS FOR FINANCIAL FAILURE

** Article: The Reasons for Financial Failure – By Craig Lock **
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"Money can't buy you happiness. But it helps you to be miserable
in comfort."
- Woody Allen

Why do people not achieve financial success?

Reason One: Lack of knowledge: or more specifically, a lack of desire to gain knowledge. Make the effort to read about financial matters and you will learn. Many people don't know where to go for unbiased advice so they do nothing.

Reason Two: Failure to set plans. Did you know that only 5 percent of the population sets goals and only 2 percent has any form of written goals? Their actions have a sense of purpose: they are results oriented, they are motivated, they are positive. They are life's winners. Without a plan, it is easy to drift aimlessly, and live from day to day. If you set goals, you will know what you want to achieve.

Reason Three: Inefficient use of time and poor work habits. Time is like money - you can spend it or invest it in building a better you by self-development. When you waste time, you are wasting yourself. Plan your day - what do you really want to achieve today?

Reason Four: Lack of foresight. Achievers can look beyond the immediate and into the future. Although some may see your visions as dreams, do not forget that you have to have a dream to make a dream come true. Unless you are fortunate enough to be left a legacy, the only money you will ever have working for you is what you save and invest. People with vision can multiply their income by investing in growth investments. Work for your money, then make your money work for you.

Reason Five: The need to conform. Dare to be different! Don't be afraid to take calculated risks. The people who make big money are the ones who do the opposite of what everyone else does - sell when everyone else buys, and vice versa.

Reason Six: Poor debt management through excessive borrowing. Many people have poor spending habits and having no budget. If you borrow to buy things that lose value, with interest payments you pay much more for the article than it cost initially. (Especially new cars, furniture etc.)

Reason Seven: Lack of desire as a result of a poor attitude about acquiring wealth. A bad attitude has caused more personal problems than anything else. What we expect to happen usually does. Successful people are optimists, while unsuccessful people have a pessimistic attitude . Block out negative thoughts and stereotypes and mix with successful, positive people.

Reason Eight: Inadequate protection against unforeseen events, such as the loss of a home due to natural disaster or the death or disablement of the bread winner. Adequate protection (insurance) against these events is vital to financial success. Not being properly covered has wiped out many potentially financially successful people.

Reason Nine: Lack of discipline. Most people find it difficult to save: it is easier to say yes than no. Those who lack discipline to say "no" will find financial success an impossible achievement. Many people are easily led by advertising and the easy availability of credit.

Reason Ten: Procrastination. Many people put off a savings program until it is too late. Young people have a wonderful opportunity and advantage because they have time on their side. The reasons people give for not starting a savings program are varied, and many are genuine. People in their 20s are just getting started in life and want to enjoy themselves by spending on cars, stereos etc. People in their 30s have young families and mortgages. People in their 40s say things are tough with kids to put through college and unexpected medical expenses. By the time people reach their 50s, it is too late: there's no time left to accumulate capital through the magic of compound interest. A convenient time never comes.

So what better time to start on your road to financial success than TODAY?

About the author:
Craig Lock has been involved in the personal finance field for many years before becoming a writer. This extract is from Craig's "The Mad Money Book" - a simple guide for everyperson in understanding and making the best use of your money. Written in a light and humorous style. http://www.craiglockbooks.com and http://www2.webng.com/writernz

The Bailouts Revisited | Dollars and Sense

 

 I take a rather keen armchair sort interest in economics and, having worked for a couple of banking institutions for some 18 odd years, also feel that I have a bit of insight into these matters.  Despite all that, events of the last decade have literally had me frothing at the mouth - needing to wander around with a little spitoon (LOL) not to mention with some good friends in tow to protect me from the foot in mouth disease repercussions I keep incurring.

With all of that in mind, I find articles such as these, even if I read them years after the fact, both to be grist for my particular little mill and rant inducing:  The Bailouts Revisited | Dollars & Sense

CREATIVITY

is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun.

Mary Lou Cook