I have a lot of "peculiar" friends, most probably because I am somewhat "odd" myself. One of them Facebooked this link to us (we being the "nutters" who love this sort of thing). I was moved as I invariably must be in order for me to blog about something and so then to my musings.
So what is it that moved me? Well, I love the fact that there are other people thinking about this. I love the fact that I am not insane. I love the validation. I love the quest that has been undertaken. I love any general search for knowledge. I love the number of fellow humans undertaking the same quest/journey. Last but not least, I tend to always love anything beyond the mundane - almost seek it desperately. Perhaps I think that if I contemplate "unearthly" things, I consequently become less boring?
It must be said that I have probably investigated all of the things mentioned in the clip ranging from Wicca, to Catholicism to Satanism - all in search of The Answer - it is the human constant I think or maybe that is just what I tell myself as a consolation for what has oftentimes felt just that little bit too driven. We all feel anxious (or I think we all do - maybe it's just me again) if we don't know what is going to happen next or what the given answer to anything is and so we seek "meaning" because "meaning", gives us control. What, we wonder, can be the point of it all? Am I,we wonder, doing the right thing? Is there, we wonder, anything we can do to improve this experience and hence the result? (Note that I continue to use the we thereby making myself safe in the crowd).
I have a favourite story about this which I tell when I am trying to show my own fallibility. I remember being in grade 4 and our then science teacher explaining the universe to us. She explained how it was ever expanding and about how we - humankind, didn't know where it's boundaries or beginning were - I literally got dizzy right there in class. I remember going home and sitting on our toilet for the rest of the afternoon because I felt sick and I was waiting for something to happen. When my parents got home and enquired what the issue was (they actually needed the bathroom which I had taken occupation of) I told them that I was thinking about infinty and that it was making me want to vomit.
My mother, ever practical, laughed and went off to make supper. My father, ever proud if I showed any sign of intelligence, begged me to come out of there and discuss things with him which I of course did. We spoke until bedtime. I attended a convent then and had literally fallen in love with God, wanting to be a nun from just about the first week I began attending. That night, I fell out of love with God, with Father Christmas, with the Easter Bunny, all my STUFF - all my "meanings" and foundations and points of reference. As my father explained, we cannot truly keep an open mind, an infinite mind, and believe wholeheartedly in these other things because to do so creates conflict. You cannot peg yourself to any given shore if you wish to explore an ocean .....
I wonder if he knew the damage he was doing. I wonder if he understood what it is to not be able to believe, to be suspicious of everything but to long, yearn for the explanation - for something to cling to, for something real and solid and not as tenuous and ephemeral and basically disinterested in me as infinity or just plain old being faithful sounds and indeed feels.
It is that very lack of belief that has led me to quest as I have for The Answers and I have looked under just about every stone, in every place of faith and religion and in every place where there is an absence of those things. I have not found any one answer just many clues which seem to all be pieces of a puzzle.
I cannot bring myself to say, for example, that anyone is flat out wrong about things like some of the religious denominations do. I simply don't believe that I have that right as a fellow human being. I also tend to think perception is the master of belief and how can I judge any such given belief if I am not angled to it in precisely the same fashion as those who believe in it? The saying goes that we need to walk a mile in someone's shoes before we judge them after all.
I think we often judge out of fear - fear of the nausea I experienced as a child when my mental walls were removed. Is it perhaps true that we are not that much better than sheep? That we, as apparently superior human beings require mental herding, self imposed mental fences, to feel secure?
It felt to me as if this moviemaker is on the same quest and that he is pictorially depicting it - I love that!! He is a kindred spirit!!! Perhaps his movie will end up being a map that one such as I could follow. A veritable GPS to The Answer.
I must confess to having long been suspicious about this Secret business. Why do people carry on about it so? I would rather hear a fundamental truth than hear about some apparent secret everyone has been carrying about with them. Secrets make me nervous - why is something so "important" a secret at all? Answers make me feel secure ..... knowledge and the pursuit thereof make me feel secure .... Knowing that there are folk apparently keeping important knowledge a secret seems to irk me somehow.
Consciousness .... living life on purpose ...... feeling in control from within and not needing something without to drive one - so many life coaching concepts in there it's almost amsuing. How did we get to a place where we needed to be coached to live? To believe in consciousness, one must believe in soul or some inner energy source other than the physical brain which is really a whole lot of chemistry within some meat. Is soul, therefore, religious or has the concept just been claimed? Does anyone have the translator for soul speak so that I can consult with my own and thereby make sure that we are on the right path? This is The Answer I am seeking but I remain slightly unsure as to whether this soul or faith or consciousness of mine is the compass I think it is but find I must trust in it anyway or never take a step forward in any direction at all.
Every single culture I have thus far encountered speaks of "the new way", of an end and a beginning of a change of some sort. This reminds me of the discovery of the "New Worlds" when our ancestors were travelling to new countries they had merely heard mention of. They showed incredible bravery and self directed motivation to leave everything they knew, get onto ships and sail to places which they had the barest minimum of knowledge about. I suggest that the transition that lies ahead for all of us, is of a similar nature but that the journey lies within and not without though it will require the same strengths to leave what we believe to be true behind in order to move into what we merely suspect might be real.
It will also require the same strengths once we have transitioned successfully to rebuild and maintain and improve upon,just as in the past and I suspect that not everyone will make it. I suspect too that preparation and perspiration are the way to go. Acquisition of knowledge, perhaps a guide or two and definitely a lot of adaptibility of spirit - survival instincts one and all in actuality, will be prerequisites. Then still, loads of opposition like stormy seas, learning to get along with others as with the peoples discovered, adapting to the new surroundings, difficulty, hardship, never easy but then nothing worthwhile ever is.
On that basis then, let us revert to my original question. Am I ready to transition into the new consciousness? Am I working to be ready? Do I have the strength of character required? Have I mastered enough knowledge to thrive? Will I be left behind? Have I found any of "My Answers" ........ ?